I’m often asked by parents how I can help them so I wanted to share with you one family’s story.
Struggles
A year ago I started working, on an individual basis, with an adoptive family who were struggling. They have 2 young children who had experienced trauma and have complex needs. As with many children who have experienced trauma they had difficulty expressing their emotions which often resulted in huge, physically aggressive outbursts.
When we started working together the parents were finding life very difficult and were at the point of not always wanting to spend time with their children. Not because they didn’t love them, but the aggression, defiance and other behaviours had completely worn them down (something I understand from first hand experience). They are loving parents and wanted to change things for the better for the whole family.
Strategy
We started by looking at everything that was happening within the family and then started to make small changes to help them move from where they were to where they wanted to be.
One of the first things we did was help the parents to look after themselves. This is critical because with an empty tank none of us can parent as we want to.
We then started to work through the different aspects of NVR and how they could use them within their family. Every child is different, so a one size fits all approach simply won’t work as effectively. With their knowledge and understanding of their children we created a toolbox of strategies to try. Overtime they learnt what worked and what didn’t, and when to use different things.
All the changes were led by the parents. They had to change their own responses and behaviours in order to see change. It wasn’t easy. Changing behaviours rarely is, but they preserved and it became easier.
Outcome
Over time they started to see changes, sometimes so small they were hardly noticeable, other times more obvious. The daily meltdowns reduced in frequency, the school run became easier and they started to enjoy time with their children again.
After about 6 months of working together they could clearly see light at the end of the tunnel ‘We are seeing glimmers of the family life we dreamed of’.
Another 6 months on and life has continued to change in a positive way for the family, and in their words it’s been ‘transformational’.
It worked so well because the parents were willing to put the effort in and change how they were doing things. They weren’t doing it wrong before, but little changes can have huge impacts.
I’m passionate about helping families, and when you see a family change this much it’s a wonderful feeling. If you’re ready for change and would like some support, do get in touch and we can look at how best to work together to help you bring about the changes you want – https://connectivefamily.com/contact/
Come and join my free Facebook group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/connectiveparentingusingNVR/ It’s a wonderfully supportive community.
